A WORD FROM JDOT: FULLY KNOWN
There's a version of me that's easier to put on camera. The one who has the answer ready, whose words come out clean, who looks like he's got a handle on what living with Primary Progressive Aphasia actually costs week to week.
That version isn't a lie, exactly. It's just not the whole truth. The whole truth includes the mornings I can't find the word I need in front of my own family. It includes the days I wonder if I'm going to be able to keep doing this work the way it needs to be done. It includes managing what people see so the ministry doesn't have to carry my hardest days along with everything else it's carrying.
Coming Clean this week made me sit with how much energy that managing takes. Lead Me to the Cross made me ask to be rid of needing to look like I've got this figured out — not just handle it better, be rid of it. Like I Am Yours caught me mid-cycle, doing the same "I'll be more honest next time" I've told myself before. Devil in the Water asked me to actually leave something behind instead of carrying it forward one more week, managed a little better. And That's Me landed where I needed it to: known, all the way down — the good days and the hard ones — and still enough.
I'm not writing this from the other side of it, having arrived at some finished version of transparency. I'm writing it from inside the practice of it — still learning to let people see more than the edited version, one week at a time.
Thank you for walking FULLY KNOWN with me this week. Thank you for taking your own mask off wherever you took it off this week. You weren't as far gone as you felt. And neither am I.
Messy. Loved. Broken. Enough. Every time.
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1WtJMc29UpVul6enmokbqa?si=1a4752059a204285
Listen on Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/the-jdot-five-fully-known/pl.u-2aoqPGyfNDN2dP
