A Word From JDOT
I built this whole theme around a sentence I'm still not fully comfortable saying: if He'd spared me from this, I never would've known how good He is.
I don't love that sentence. Some days I'd trade every bit of what it's taught me to have my old voice back, no lesson attached. I want to be honest about that instead of pretending this theme resolved something in me that hasn't actually resolved.
But here's what I can say without hedging. Before Primary Progressive Aphasia, I don't think I knew what it meant to depend on the Holy Spirit for the actual words coming out of my mouth. I thought that was a nice worship-song idea. Now it's Tuesday morning reality — I sit down to write and some days the words genuinely don't come from my own effort, because my own effort isn't reliable anymore. What comes has to come from somewhere else.
I never would've known that dependence — not really, not the way I know it now — if I'd been spared this. I'm not saying I'm glad about the disease. I'm saying I've stopped needing it to be undone before I can also say it's shown me something real.
That's the whole tension of this week's theme, lived instead of just written. Not spared. Shown. Both true. Neither one canceling the other out.
Thank you for walking NEVER WOULD'VE KNOWN with me this week.
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