Can I tell you why SO MUCH BIGGER hit differently this week?
Because I caught myself doing the thing again — praying small. Not because I stopped believing. Because somewhere in the last few years, \"one day at a time\" stopped being a phrase I chose and started being the only pace PPA left me.
You don't make five-year plans when you're not sure what words you'll still have next year. You don't pray big when big feels like setting yourself up. So the prayers get smaller. Safer. Easier to survive if they don't get answered the way you hoped.
And somewhere in that smallness, I forgot something I already knew — the same God who sent me back on May 13, 2021, with nothing but \"there's still so much for you to do,\" was never asking me to shrink my prayers to match my circumstances. He was asking me to see how much bigger He is than whatever this is.
Nothing is too hard for Him. Not this diagnosis. Not the mess I didn't cause and can't fix. Not one day at a time.
I'm not writing this from the other side of it. I'm writing it from the middle — still handing it over, still learning what \"so much bigger\" actually costs to believe on the hard days. But I know this: the prayers are getting bigger again. And so is the gratitude.
And if I'm honest, looking back at all of it — it's not just gratitude either. Something got set free in me this week too, writing this down. The small-prayer version of me doesn't get to keep running the show anymore.
🎧 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6tCgDv2yYeovXH5VsBknoF?si=f8cf90bc44244434
🎧 Listen on Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/the-jdot-five-so-much-bigger/pl.u-jV89e9pFd7dB04
