I used to think surrender was a one-time event.
You prayed the prayer. You meant it. You gave God control. Done.
What I didn't understand is that surrender is a daily practice — and some things require more than one letting go.
On May 13, 2021 — the day I died — Jesus sent me back. And the commission was clear: "There's still so much for you to do."
But here's what nobody tells you about being sent back.
You come back with the same hands. The same tendencies. The same reflexes that made you grip tight in the first place.
Within months of coming back I was already white-knuckling the ministry. Trying to control the timeline. Trying to force the growth. Trying to navigate something God specifically told me He would handle.
Same old rhythm. Same old rhyme.
THE WHITE-KNUCKLE LIFE isn't a before-you-meet-Jesus problem. It's a this-is-what-humans-do problem. And it keeps showing up — in new forms, with new things, at new seasons — for as long as you're breathing.
HANDS FREE isn't the story of someone who finally got it together and stopped white-knuckling forever.
It's the story of someone who learned to let go again. And again. And again.
Every time a new thing surfaces that I've been gripping — there's the same journey. The naming. The recognition that He's been there the whole time. The cross. The release. The overflow.
Same arc. Different trophies.
What are you on your hundredth time letting go of?
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